Only rantings. Do you still want to read?

2008-02-07T01:14:00.000+08:00

2008-01-06T16:39:00.000+08:00

'I have a theory now'.

Blogs are like diaries. Some people write about events, others write out master pieces of work, others make announcements, and some just complain about how miserable their lives are.

I, unfortunately, am one of the few who does nothing but complain about everything horrible that happens daily. Well, life is life, and we all go through shit once in a while. So, I have concluded, with no offence meant, that blogging, or at least the way I do, is pathetic.

I'm planning to close this blog soon. Or at least try to, to avoid remaining the way I am.

You've taught me how to stand up for myself, you've taught me how to live life without regret. You've taught me to walk with my chin in the air, every single day. You've taught me to be so cold that almost nothing in the world matters anymore. You've taught me to freeze my heart so dry and so hard that I would forget how to feel. You've taught me well, and I won't let you down.

2008-01-01T17:46:00.000+08:00

'Gimme gimme more'.

Happy New Year! It's finally 2008 huh. Tomorrow's gonna be the first day of school, and the first day of camp. I'm dreading it, terribly.

Thanks, Joshua, for the trombone! :D I'll take of him, I promise.

Note: phone line is cancelled. Please call my land line to contact me.

2007-12-28T23:40:00.000+08:00

'Shouldn't we all start to appreciate its beauty?'

Yay, I'm done loading and watching this french animation which I felt was rather superb. The story was rather cute and nice too. I enjoyed it a lot. Here's the link anyway:

http://sylpaco.free.fr/hugh/film_stage6_subtitle.html

2007-12-26T19:03:00.001+08:00

'501th post'.

Didn't go LAN-ing in the end, I did't have much money to spare anyway. But I did join them for prata. Well, teh tarik to be exact. They ate prata.

Oh yes, and I gave Soma his christmas present. I hope you like it.

Don't, just... don't.

2007-12-26T08:45:00.000+08:00

'I miss you so, it seems like it's been forever that you've been gone'.

I'm wondering if I should go LAN-ing with the guys later, whatever time they're going. I'm having tuition at 9:30 so I'll probably be worn out by then, haha, considering the little sleep I got.

But it's really tempting.

2007-12-25T21:10:00.000+08:00

'Santa, are you listening?'

Christmas is here, but yet, I haven't gotten anything quite like what I want... Oh well, I'll be grateful for everything anyway. No reason to not be.

I Am Legend was interesting.

2007-12-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

'Merry Christmas, world'.

Presents, I received quite a few. Let's see... I received a nose clip from my sister! Haha, it's a joke between us because of my flat-nose. Apparently, it costs quite a bit. And I received Nike sports shoes from my parents. I wonder if I should change the size. Hm, and a 20 bucks Borders voucher from my brother and Wei Qin!

Oh, yay. :D

Don't come back to me again, I will not care to entertain you in any way, at all.

2007-12-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

'I have many questions for you'.

Well, I've never had someone put me through this much hell, and hurt. I can assure you on that... If I am really the biggest mistake in your life, I'd beg for you to tell me. Maybe that way, I'll stop hoping you'd love me just the way you do to everyone else.

My eyes hurt, and so does my heart. Cheesy enough. I don't know about you, but I've almost had enough.

Merry Christmas to you too.

2007-12-21T19:40:00.000+08:00

'Oh, feel the tension!'

Christmas shopping, half-done. Handmade stuff are yet to be... I should mail soon. Tomorrow perhaps.

No, how can I?

2007-12-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

'You'd know what to do'.

Finally back from Sentosa! Gosh, it was such a bore. Only today did I get to enjoy a little though. It started with waking up at 7am to take a jog to Palawan Beach and back. Followed by really good breakfast, where the staff mistake me for a guy (the only downside). And then followed by a good nap before checking out.

I got to sit on the Luge after checking out though. It's the go-cart thing that goes down the hill really fast. And then the skyride... It's the cable-seat thingy that you use to go to the top of the mountain when skiing? Haha.

You'd know what to do, if you were around. That's one reason why I'm missing you so much.

2007-12-18T12:17:00.000+08:00

'It was inspiration'.

I was lying on my bed last night, about to sleep when I juust really felt like I should draw. So, I rushed out of my room and grabbed a jotter book. However, I couldn't find pencils. So I grabbed my coloured ones, and started to sketch. I like this piece [among all the rest]:

2007-12-18T00:39:00.000+08:00

'My savior'.

I went out yesterday, for breakfast, with Chong Hui! Haha. He is so funny but so gay. Oh well, I had fun eating prata and laughing with him. Only, I didn't like the fact that I was the only one eating. He didn't want to eat, so he ordered for me and sat next to me, staring at me as I ate. It was scary, like an interview. The type that makes you really nervous...

Oh yes, so I went out and got some more material for my Christmas presents. With Yantze and Yantin. Haha, and for the first time in quite a long while - I got lost. I took the wrong bus, while trying to get to their house. Oh well. It happens, doesn't it?

Oh, and I bumped into Charissa at Bugis street...

Shrink! Haha, I don't know how and I don't know why but something about the few messages you sent me made me finally wake up, and realise some things I should have seen ages ago. Well, it's not easy to explain, especially not here. But I thank you, anyway!

2007-12-17T00:26:00.000+08:00

'I'm a scorpio at heart!'

I only have a few days left to complete the presents. What the hell am I doing blogging?

2007-12-15T23:46:00.000+08:00

'Again!'

LIST OUT THE TOP 5 PRESENTS YOU WISH FOR:
5. Pleo.
4. Love, in any form - friends or more.
3. A good split personality who works as a conscience and more.
2. My Daddy to start taking care of himself by exercising and watching his intake of food.
1. Karakiri!

THE PERSON[s] WHO TAG-GED YOU IS
Lydia.

YOUR 5 IMPRESSIONS OF HIM / HER / THEM
1. Squishy! Definitely.
2. Has this strange hatred towards me.
3. Shares Geraldine's trademark personality trait.
4. Eats too much for her own good.
5. Really squishy?

MOST MEMORABLE THINGS HE / SHE HAS DONE FOR YOU
Eh... I'll tell you when she ever does one. :D

THE MOST MEMORABLE WORDS HE / SHE HAS EVER SAID TO YOU
"Shut up okay!"

IF HE / SHE BECOMES YOUR LOVER, YOU WILL
Exercise with her - she needs it. And I will also make sure to not whine too much because she constantly plots murders against me when I do do so.

IF HE / SHE BECOMES YOUR ENEMY, THE REASON WILL BE
She's too squishy and too much like Geraldine. Haha.

2007-12-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

'I'm falling head over heels for you'.

Band outing today was quite fun. Haha, well, we didn't do much because it rained but I had fun because I loved everyone that was with me! Haha. I know the welfare mamas were rather down when it rained but well, I still want to thank you guys for all the effort you all took in planning the whole day's events! :D I rather enjoyed it.

I like the song My Beautiful Rescue by This Providence. It's nice. I guess I shall upload it without the lyrics.

Oh, the second verse sounds like 'my balls have shattered, my private's shattered'. It's rather amusing! Haha.

Oh, Yantze finally gave me my birthday present on thursday! It was this treasure chest thing that she painted and did by hand. And inside was a set of 'playing cards'. The cards had different 'uses'. There were 'Aid' cards, 'Bad Habits' cards, 'Trump' cards and 'Treasure' cards. Haha. I'll post a picture of a few that I had a good laugh over. :D

One of my 'Treasure' cards... (See, Joshua? You've been gone since January 13th, this year, and still we talk about you. Ha! Shows you how dearly missed you are, okay! :D)

And one of my 'Trump' cards.

2007-12-15T02:03:00.000+08:00

'Just feels so good'.

I realised I haven't been uploading songs.

Rescue Me by Rachel Robinson, OST of My Super Ex-girlfriend:

Everytime I close my eyes I'm dreaming super natural
I don't know where i've been all year
All the way to romeo and back again and here we go
When I just wanted you to stay

She was born to love him yeah
But she's still waiting for him up on that ledge above him

Baby, Rescue me
From my dreams
And from my secret identity just
Wake me from my sleep
Would you please
Just fall out of the sky and rescue me

All I want is to be with you why is that impossible
I only see you disappear
I know you've got a lot to do the whole wide world just waits for you
And baby i'll be waiting too

He was born to love her yeah
It's right there to discover
Flying so high above her

Baby, Rescue me
From my dreams
And from my secret identity just
Wake me from my sleep
Would you please Just fall out of the sky and rescue me
And earth will be our home
And sky our starry dome

And the only super power here that makes us strong and kills the fear
Only super power here is love
And the only super power here is love

Baby, Rescue me
From my dreams
And from my secret identity just
Wake me from my sleep
Would you please
Just fall out of the sky and rescue me

Rescue me . . .

One more! Haha. Misery Business by Paramore:

I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top
She's got a body like an hourglass it's tickin' like a clock
It's a matter of time before we all run out...
When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth

I waited eight long months, she finally set him free
I told him I couldn't lie, he was the only one for me
Two weeks and we'd caught on fire
She's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smile

Whoa... I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa... it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God does it feels so good
'Cause I got him where I want him now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God it just feels so...
It just feels so good

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change
Once a whore, you're nothing more, I'm sorry that'll never change
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
I'm sorry honey, but I passed up, now look this way!

There's a million other girls who do it just like you
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who
They want and what they like, it's "easy if you do it right"

Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!

Whoa... I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa... it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God does it feel so good
'Cause I got him where I want him right now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God it just feels so...
It just feels so good...

I watched his wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving...

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now...

Whoa, I never meant brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa... it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God does it feels so good
'Cause I got him where I want him now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God it just feels so...
It just feels so good

2007-12-15T01:43:00.000+08:00

'It's already Saturday'.

Hm, I need to start searching for the material for Christmas presents soon.

It's late. Very late.

2007-12-14T01:55:00.000+08:00

'It's on the other page'.

Where are you, when I need you now?

How much do your words mean, because I want them to be genuine. For once. I want you to be here, to tell me that it'll be alright... To tell me that...

Perhaps it does make the heart grow fonder.

2007-12-13T22:49:00.000+08:00

'Ahhhhh!'.

LIST OUT THE TOP 5 PRESENTS YOU WISH FOR:
5. Pleo.
4. Love, in any form - friends or more.
3. A good split personality who works as a conscience and more.
2. My Daddy to start taking care of himself by exercising and watching his intake of food.
1. Karakiri!

THE PERSON[s] WHO TAG-GED YOU IS
Carmina! (She put me on the top of her list!)

YOUR 5 IMPRESSIONS OF HIM / HER / THEM
1. Image conscious. *cough cough*.
2. Understanding.
3. WEIRD. [No doubt about that :D].
4. A really jealous person.
5. One of the best friends a person could ever have.

MOST MEMORABLE THINGS HE / SHE HAS DONE FOR YOU
Listening to all the crap I [often] whine about, never hesistating to lend me a shoulder to cry on. (Urgh, how cheesy... It was the only way I could put it. Ew.)

THE MOST MEMORABLE WORDS HE / SHE HAS EVER SAID TO YOU
"Have I ever told you that I love you?... You're pretty."

IF HE / SHE BECOMES YOUR LOVER, YOU WILL
Have to start learning to walk like her (that is, like a man).

IF HE / SHE BECOMES YOUR ENEMY, THE REASON WILL BE
Because I disapproved of her choice of... Erm. Friends.

PASS THE QUIZ TO 10 PEOPLE TO KNOW HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT YOU:
1. Carmina (haha.)
2. Erica
3. Steph
4. Pao
5. Naomi
6. Somaskandan Vasuthevan
7. Sarah
8. Geri
9. Lydia
10. Florence

WHO IS NO. 7 (Sarah) HAVING RELATIONSHIP WITH?
According to her - Izyan.

WHO IS NO. 9 (Lydia) HAVING RELATIONSHIP WITH?
Haha. I know this one, I found out through her cheesy mushy nicknames! Well, I don't know his name but he is The person who 'doesn't deserve her love'. ;D

IF NO.9 (Lydia) AND NO.1 (Carmina) ARE TOGETHER, WILL IT BE A GOOD THING?
Perhaps, perhaps not.

WHAT ABOUT NO. 1 (Carmina) AND NO. 5 (Naomi)?
Ha, that's be... strange.

WHAT IS NO. 3 (Steph) STUDYING?
'The art of being a twert. And Physics.'

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CHATTED WITH NO. 6 (Somaskandan Vasuthevan)?
A long lonnnnggg time ago.

DOES NO. 4 (Pao)WORK?
'Nah, she's rich enough.'

DOES NO. 8 (Geri) HAVE ANY COUSINS IN HIS/HER OWN SCHOOL?
No, I don't think so. Haha... pretty pretty.

WILL YOU WOO NO. 8 (Geri)?
Ha, no. We'd quarrel every single day.

HOW ABOUT NO. 5 (Naomi)?
I'd have to lose my sanity first. (Carmina, I totally agree.)

DOES NO. 2 (Erica) HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?
Yeah.

HOW DID YOU GET TO KNOW NO.3 (Steph) AND NO.4 (Pao)?
Steph, well, she sat behind me in the hall on the third day of school. Pao, haha, she sent out this rays of bitchyness. It could be felt from a mile away.

WHERE DOES NO.1 (Carmina) LIVE?
I know this, I know this! SENGKANG!

HOW DID YOU GET TO KNOW NO.2 (Erica)?
She was friend with this strange girl, who sat in front of her. So, as I tried to be friendly towards the strange girl, I was introduced to another.

IS NO.5 (Naomi) THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD?
Yes, everyone is. In each of our own ways. :D

2007-12-13T01:29:00.000+08:00

'Oh'.

Haha. I'm tired and my hip hurts from bending and cutting Daddy's nails. Haha. He's growing too fat, and his belly was getting in the way, so he couldn't bend down. He claims his long toe nails are tearing his socks... Haha.

I'm sorry, and I don't think you'll read this or even if you do, I'd doubt you'd know it's for you... Well, I just wanted to apologise, anyway, for anything I've done to offend you in any way. You see, I've tried explaining myself although you might not have read it but I'm more scared of being hurt by you and your insensitive ways again... Haha.

Well, whatever it is, I do miss you...

I'll try this.

2007-12-11T21:57:00.000+08:00

'A passion so bright that I was blind'.

Haha. I love Hoe Gaarden's Grand Cru beer. Ha, but it's rather strong though... I'm finding it almost hard to walk straight. Haha. It's quite good really.

I got so tired of doing the Christmas gifts, I decided to take a break and make myself one. :D

2007-12-11T18:47:00.000+08:00

'My eyes hurt'.

I just realised that I spent too many days not doing the Christmas presents. And Christmas is nearing-- Oh no. I'm only through with 1 and a half presents. So, I decided to cut down on the number of presents I'll be giving. 21 and a half to go [that's if I have enough money to come up with all the material]. Ahhh---

Christmas has never been so stressful. Haha.

Dreadful chinese tuition at 8. Even more dreadful math tuition tomorrow... I have finally bought my books. I also just realised that school is starting so soon. Gosh, this is bad...

2007-12-09T17:24:00.000+08:00

'Head's aching'.

I felt like it was something I should have said.

I'm sorry.

Me too.

Technically, you never apologised. I've just come to realise. Haha. Okay, how bout trying that one more time.

But... I don't want you to... I...

Are you alright?

No... You...

You need your sleep. Go, go to sleep.

Haha. I can't recall really well but I don't see no apology! Hahaha. This is getting genuinely amusing.

2007-12-08T02:30:00.000+08:00

'Pleo!'

Found this cute product. It's a andriod, a toy dinosaur that can move on its own. Unlike the other interactive toys, Pleo can learn tricks and respond to your habits. It is not remote-controlled. I'm hopelessly in love with this incredible, adorable invention!

Photos taken off Notcot:

Instruction kit.

Packaging.

Adorable creature, sleeping.

Oh, here's another link to a video of Pleo. However, it's a video of the outcome of torturing Pleo. Interesting, but heartbreaking - http://dvice.com/archives/2007/12/pleo_post.php

2007-12-08T02:06:00.000+08:00

'December'.

It's late, I know that but it's december, so I'll stay up to enjoy every second of it. Every second of what's left of the school holidays, and every second of what's left to enjoy. Treasuring every moment, just the way I failed to do last year.

Darling, I'll be behind you no matter what, but do take care because I love you so,and I can't, really, bear to see you get hurt. Do remember, still, that I'll always be here. Haha. And to make it more cheesy - rain or shine. Haha. Babe, I love you so do me a great favour and take care.

2007-12-07T18:46:00.000+08:00

'Famous Amos'.

They're pricey, and not found everywhere, making it hard to get. But, gosh, once you put them in your mouth, they melt away. The texture, the color, the content, the taste is just perfect. They're so nice to eat, every once in a while. I could finish a bag or two. They're so sweet, so satisfying to taste.

Well, I just finished three pieces. Hell, did I enjoy them. I used to eat them really often, when I was a little kid. They get a little too sweet and a little too rich after a while. Too overwhelming in flavour, I'd say. So, I try not to eat it too much now, lest I get tired of them again.

Famous Amos, they're amazing. I just wonder how long before I get tired of it's taste.

Ahh. How strange.

Oh yes, Daddy's back! :D And I reckon that he's feeling quite well. Although he'll be staying home for dinner tonight while we all eat out... But oh well, he's back! All that matters.

2007-12-07T01:06:00.000+08:00

'A lot of people'.

Daddy's in hospital, due to his left inner-ear being infected. It caused him to lose balance, leading to groggyness and constant vomitting. He was admitted yesterday but seemed to have been feeling a lot better today. He was at least able to walk and he wasn't as grumpy. I do miss him at home...

364 and a half days ago, and I'd be at Escape Themepark, which would bore me to death. After a few hours of boredom, I would leave to go to White Sands, leaving my juniors wondering why my sudden departure. And for the rest of the day, I would enjoy myself so much till at a point of time, I'd attempt to slap myself awake. It must be a dream.

2007-12-04T16:08:00.000+08:00

'Oh, right'.

I watched Shop Girl on Star Movies just now. It was nice and really sweet. I suggest you all the watch it because it's quite worth the time.

Praveena sent me the link to this video, which is amusing and almost scary. Watch it:

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE LOL
Uploaded by s0ldierx

2007-12-04T15:43:00.000+08:00

'365 days ago'.

Sitting on a random spot along a long stretch of beach, feeling utmost warmth. Not much of warmth externally, but more internally than ever before. It's a feeling so comforting and so wonderful, I can explode. I never thought my prayers would be answer, but this is absolute heaven, what good I must have done.

Now, I pray I would wake from this dream which would, soon, turn bad. No, I don't have much will to wake from this, perhaps I should just stay. It's killing me, the wonder of all this. It's so overwhelming, so intense, I'm suffocating. Yet, still, I'm not running but only sitting here and enjoying it. You see, I find no reason to.

You, my love, are all I've ever wanted. So many questions, so many things yet unanswered, but won't words just get in our way. So, silent I shall remain as I absorb every bit of you which is by me now. I'll breathe the breeze, and feel the sand and allow this moment to me etched in my memory as long as forever.

You, my love, are all I need now. Stay with me.

2007-12-04T01:25:00.000+08:00

'Perhaps, perhaps not'.

I'm half done with one christmas present. About 30 and half more to go. I am going to work so impossibly fast in the next few days. Haha. Time's flying and christmas is so near... Oh no.

I was playing Gunbound a while ago when I saw a few Singaporean secondary school kids. They were probably older, or at least so they claimed. However, their standard of english was, unfortunately, embarassing. Their grammar was horrid. You know, the typical singlish speaking people.

It got me wondering, what is happening to our english standards? What is wrong with the educational system?

I'm wishing on a burning star that you would come back to me, wherever you are.

I'm praying to the heavens that you would remember me, everyday of your life, whoever you've become.

And I'm begging the gods that you would go back to who you were, soon enough.

2007-12-02T01:39:00.000+08:00

'I'd melt'.

I found this ring below, on www.notcot.org. It is the most adorable, sweetest thing you could give as a farewell present. Especially to someone who means the world to you. Gosh, I'd melt if a guy would spend enough to give me that as a gift.

2007-11-30T19:03:00.000+08:00

'I get kinda shaky when they mention you, I just lose my cool'.

Gosh, band sure was tiring today. All the mark-timing and the formation preparation really drained the energy out of me. My legs are a little achy from marching on the spot so much. Haha. The trombone is really heavy to carry home too, my arms hurt quite a bit. Oh well, but I enjoyed myself anyhow.

I am running out of time to prepare the christmas gifts! Time to start to really save up, so much to buy, so little to spend. Oh well, but the joy of giving is just so rewarding. I love feeling that sense of satisfaction when the gifts are all done, and wrapped, the cards all written. Ha, I'll just have to make use of this two weeks of break from band.

All I want for Christmas is you, wherever you are. It's been a year since I've seen you, actually. Haha. I'll hope to see you soon enough.

2007-11-29T19:43:00.000+08:00

'Love Actually'.

A few videos from Youtube, taken from the movie Love Actually, that I'd like to share.

Keira Knightly plays a newly married woman, loved by another man, her husband's best friend. The man is played by Colin Firth. It's my favourite portion of the show, you should watch. Won't take long to load.

The next video is of a little girl performing at a school christmas concert. The actress is only 11 years old, Olivia Olson.

2007-11-29T18:43:00.000+08:00

'You are my only, my only one'.

Why do I like watching movies over and over again? Well, it's just really comforting to be able to know something so well that you can prepare yourself before anything happens. A little ability to predict 'the unpredictable' wouldn't kill, would it? Because being able to do so is what makes me happy sometimes.

We all get tired of unpredictable situations, once in a while. So tired in fact that little things like these just makes it all better...

Blind by Lifehouse:

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless
As you turn around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep
That even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything
Would be like it was before
But nights like this
It seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever want to leave
Maybe you could not believe it

That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

2007-11-29T16:01:00.000+08:00

'Imagine falling again. It's gonna hurt.'

I remember every second of it. The pressure against your chest, unabling you to breathe, nearly suffocating you but not exactly. You'd think you'd die soon enough but you find yourself feeling like this for hours. Your head pounding, your chest heaving and aching, you body feeling detached from your mind, you walk around half-dead. You'd wish you would drop dead and die, but luck isn't on your side just yet.

The hours would lead into days, and you wonder if you're actually alive or if you just died in a nightmare, unable to awake. And you'd pray everyday, for you soul to be taken away, to allow you to rest in peace, for someone to relief you of this unbelievably hurting numbness. You'd feel more drained by each day, until someone finally comes along and attempts to lend you a helping hand, pull you of the ground.

It mostly fails to work but as time passes, the numbness slowly fades, and you start to feel, slightly. Starting with a tingling sensation all over, and then leading into a stinging pain all around. But soon, you feel grateful for the pain, because at least you know you can feel again, you know you're alive. Pain is your friend, it reminds you that you're alive.

Darling, please don't be silly, I don't want to see you go through the same thing. I'm so afraid that when you do, I might not be able to help you up again, that you might not even reach out for anyone. Girl, I love you, and we all do. Please don't be stupid enough to put yourself through all this shit again. Alright?

2007-11-29T01:38:00.000+08:00

'Evil is tricky'.

I'm just done watching White Oleander. Well, I kind of finished it half an hour ago, but I went to bathe first, before sitting down to blog. Oh well, as usual, a feel words caught my attention - they make sense.

'It's good that you're trying to identify evil, Astrid. But evil is tricky, just when you think you know what it is, it changes its form. Learning its nature takes a lifetime of study. I will not lose you, not to them. Those people are the enemy, Astrid...'

'...But how do I show nothing, not a taste, not a smell, not even the color of the sky has ever been as clear and sharp as it was when I belonged to her. I don't know how to express that being with someone so dangerous was the last time that I felt safe.'

'In my opinion, if there was a god, he sure as well ain't worth praying to.'

Beautiful show. I mean, if I had to choose between the book and the movie, I'd say the book was hell better. But, the plot was good, afterall, it wasn't too bad. I did enjoy it, perhaps because I got to read the book. Yeah, perhaps.

2007-11-27T19:41:00.000+08:00

'Not worth my time'.

Hero was utterly boring. Gosh, the relief of stepping out of the theatre was so overwhelming. I went high with the feeling of relief. I suggest that no one watches the show. It felt like a torture chamber, sitting there.

I guess, neither am I.

Half an hour each weekend. That was the deal. Haha. It became 15 minutes every 3 months.

2007-11-27T01:27:00.000+08:00

'You're so good to me, baby'.

I could make room for that. I'll just throw out all the stuff I don't need...

2007-11-27T00:25:00.000+08:00

'How have you been?'

All that nonsense you sprouted ain't gonna work.

My friend, how have you been? It seems like almost forever. I do miss you so, and life has been such a bore over here. I want to go out soon, and I hope I'm equally missed.

2007-11-26T19:00:00.000+08:00

'You bore me so'.

The last few days have been a bore. Cooped up at home doing nothing. I just watched Keeping Mum which was a really interesting dark comedy. I enjoyed it, but it still failed to relief me of this aching feeling of pure boredom.

I kinda miss you, my friend.

2007-11-26T01:02:00.000+08:00

'Quizzes'.

Which "Friend" Are You?

My Result: Chandler

Could you be any more like Chandler? The most lovable wiseguy around, you've got more than a little Bing inside you, don't 'cha? Front and center in your Chandler-ness is that unstoppable wit, keeping everyone in stitches (or at least deflecting uncomfortable situations). And like the Chan-Chan man, you'd never leave your pals out in the cold. But your generosity is so inconspicuous that people often don't even notice it.

Romantically, a soft, sweet, heart and charming, insecurity rule. You might, however, be held back from love by that nagging little fear of, well, growing up. Ya think? But, like the adorable Mr. Bing himself, it's just because you care so much and don't want to let anyone down.

Take this test >

Which Hero Are You?

My Result: Niki Sanders

You know you're one tough cookie. But people really adore you for your soft side. Of course you can take care of yourself, but you also make sure to take care of those around you, and, hey, you always look good doing it!

Take this test >

The Love Test

My Result: Prized Partner

You appreciate the finer things in life and tend to seek out others who share your refined tastes. High fashion, gourmet meals, luxurious getaways — these are the kinds of things that you enjoy. If you can experience them with a worldly, stylish mate, all the better. You are drawn to people who know how to take care of themselves and are hooked in socially. Whether you're out at a club or a restaurant opening, it's important to you to be part of the scene.

Take this test >

We all have questions.

2007-11-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

'Spirit: Stallion Of The Cimarron'.

I can't get enough of this film. Found the movie, split into many parts, on youtube. You should load each one and try to watch it when you have time.

I'm not sure if all the parts are complete but you can check it for yourselves. Haha. It's rather enjoyable, an animation, really. I could watch it over and over again.

2007-11-24T19:21:00.000+08:00

'24th of November'.

Exactly one year ago, at this exact time, I was entering M.I.C.A. building, attending the studio's art exhibition with Erica, Steph, Rachel and Joshua. Gosh, I had so much fun and was rather high. I thoroughly enjoyed that night...

I was just thinking about time dimensions. If there are different dimensions to time. So, somewhere out there, another of me is reliving the 24th of November, 2006. Haha. Lucky her.

Save Me by Corrinne May:

I drift, I burn, I fly
When you sing lullabies
I'm helpless, I'm yearning
I'm like the putty in your hands

I laugh, I dream, I cry
When you take me on a roller coaster ride
You see me through and through
You see just who i am
Just take my hand and

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you

I had a dream that i
was falling from the sky
At 90 miles an hour
I was bound to crash and die
But out of nowhere you came and rescued me
There must be some grace in the touch of your face
I'm so happy that I've found you
I'm no longer afraid

Oh ' cause you
Save me from this place
Heaven knows i'm falling
For you my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting

Before i met you
Life was slow-mo
So slow-mo
I thought i had it figured out
But you came and turned my whole world upside down

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows you've come to

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you
Waiting for you

2007-11-23T01:17:00.000+08:00

'Dum dee dum dum'.

Oh, the joy that kids can bring! It's amazing! You'll only know it when you get to experience it, first-hand. To tutor and guide these little adorable young creatures... Ahh, it is quite wonderful.

It's a pity my Daddy's overseas. I want to borrow his camera to capture these adorable little people and paste it all over my computer. To show the world what they're missing out on. Haha. Or to remind myself what I was missing out on a few days back.

What an awfully sweet farewell... I'll see you around.

2007-11-22T01:48:00.000+08:00

'Perhaps, perhaps'.

I'm so lost, and I'm so confused. I feel like shit, and I have mostly you to thank. At least you now have wonderful proof of how your guilt trip worked on me.

I don't know why, and I don't know how. I need my sleep, but I'm so scared to dream. Now you have wonderful proof of how your guilt trip worked on me.

I'm sorry, and yet I feel like I shouldn't be. I feel like I could fall apart into a million piece, right here and now. Here, your guilt trip has worked on me.

Am I free now?

2007-11-22T00:50:00.000+08:00

'What's this, a joke?'

What the hell. Don't play around with me like that, it's not funny and it's not going to work. So, give up already, it's getting pretty irritating. Especially when you're causing so much discomfort in my stomach.

I remember the moment when I felt her little fingers grasp my wrist, her voice squeeking, 'Jie jie! it's not mine!'

When I was young, I used to believe that humans reproduced through marriage. I also thought that my parents got married thrice, in fact. And I constantly pestered my mum, saying 'Mummy, please marry Papa one more time!... I want a younger sister!'

2007-11-21T19:18:00.000+08:00

'teacher teacher!'

Primary school kids aren't that terrible. In fact, most of them are so adorable (I was not prepared to say this when I left the house). Gosh, but now, I just wanna squeeze [only some] of them so hard! They're so tiny and huggable... aha. And the guys may be rowdy and oh-so-noisy but they're still so young and innocent. It's quite alien to see the innocent faces again.

One, I've broken. The other, is fulfilled.

I need to improve on my spelling.

2007-11-21T02:01:00.000+08:00

'Happy Birthday, Siu Lun!'

Gosh, I just realised the ten years of age gap between us. Anyway, happy birthday once again! And thank you for everything, the downloading of songs, the burning of movies onto DVDs, the patient listening to my whines, the irritating tags on my tagboard and mean writings on my facebook wall. But, I love you so, nevertheless. Good luck to all you do, and ~~whoever~~ you do. (: Loads of love.

I just ate two bananas covered with Nutella chocolate spread and dripped with condense milk, half a glass of milk, 8 pieces of deep fried potato wedge. Yes, I have never felt fatter. I have a reason though! You see, I didn't feel like sleeping (perhaps I was scared of doing so) and I was pretty upset. So, eating sounded like a good option...

I'm tired. Tomorrow's gonna be hell of a fun day, tutoring and running around with little noisy... creatures. Attending to their every need, taking their attendance. Gosh. Sounds spectacular? Ha, sure sure, indeeed it does.

2007-11-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

'I'm losing my memory'.

I just realised that I have forgotten to go to National Dental Centre for my dental appointment. I shall call NDC tomorrow and rearrange for another appointment. However, I am quite sure that they will only reschedule me to somewhere in January, unfortunately.

Two rented DVDs were posted to us today. So, I got to watched Spirit, again. Which will always remain my favourite animation, will something better is produced. It is so beautiful, the animation, the storyline, everything. Oh, and not forgetting it's beautiful soundtrack, performed by the Bryan Adams and composed by the Hans Zimmer. I haven't any idea why, but they paid Matt Damon to narrate the story, which isn't more than 30 lines, I would think...

Oh yes, the horses in the animation do not talk. Which makes it a ton more realistic than most animations, which is another reason why I prefer it to all the rest.

Just now, I just watched Spirited Away with my sister. It was fairly enjoyable, and quite exciting. I have, actually, watched it before. However, when I did, three years ago, the whole show was in chinese so, I barely understood it. Despite it being a little too disturbing for my comfort, I did enjoy the show though I still don't get why there's a whole fuss about how touching the ending is, because I thought it wasn't really.

And I felt that it missed out on explaining a lot of things. It felt too... slipshod. Not my taste actually, the ending. But it still was rather enjoying, in whole.

Heroes episode 9 of season 2, was extremely good, and kept me at the edge of my seat for that 50 minutes. It was fantastic, and really impressive. I was rather impressed because they screwed up episode 8.

You're a liar. That, I have absolutely no doubt of. Your words hold no truth, and are almost as shallow as you are. I can't believe I thought there was more to you...

I know I've said this a thousand time, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever stop - you disappoint me so.

2007-11-20T19:36:00.000+08:00

'blogskin updated'.

I took a few hours to do this. I started out with my original blogskin actually, and changing the colors or the texts and stuff, but I thought it still looked boring. So, I thought, wouldn't kill to change it and so I did. However, I spent an hour more to edit the new blogskin to perfection, or at least to my satisfaction.

I need a dreamcatcher above my bed.

2007-11-20T11:37:00.000+08:00

'never before'.

i've never dreamt of nightmares for such a long time. but this time, they came in my sleep, three in a row.

about death and killing and hatred.

i do remember crying and waking with tears down my face.

why?

2007-11-19T19:11:00.000+08:00

'i'm sorry i ran away, it was all i could do'.

you might think i was just being a bitch, and you might think that i'm insensitive and ungrateful. perhaps i am, perhaps i am the bitch you think i am, and perhaps i'm a horrid person, incapable of appreciating all you have done. well, there's more to that. there's my side...

i do appreciate all you have done. or all the good you have done for me, being there as a friend in times when i was really upset, helping me get up on my feet again. and i'm thankful, i am. but i have been hurt by your insensitivity, a countless number of times. and i guess, i've recently realised - it's about time i walk away, and stop putting myself through more.

i was afraid, i was scared. and that's my reason, whether you believe it or not. i was so tempted to throw my arms around you, smile and say that i've missed you. hello! it's been such a long time, how are you? but i didn't want to, because i shouldn't, it's something i know. so, just as a way of stopping myself from doing so, i had to turn away, pretending you weren't worth my acknowledgement.

well, you probably wouldn't be reading this, but just so you do - i'm sorry, it's something i had to do. i hope you'll forgive me, soon enough...

i complete White Oleander today. wonderful book, but quite disturbing. it just tears you down from the inside, the pity that you feel for each characters. gosh, it can kill. it's quite emotionally bearing to read the book, so be prepared when you do. here's something i found interesting:

'You ask me about regret? Let me tell you a few things about regret, my darling. There is no end to it. You cannot find the beginning of the chain that brought us from there to here. Should you regret the whole chain, and the air in between, or each link separately, as if you would uncouple them? Do you regret the beginning which ended so badly, or the ending itself? I've given more thought to this question than you can begin to imagine.'

i liked it because it's so sick, it's so sad. it's sad, but yet true. and it really isn't anything else but the truth.

2007-11-18T20:34:00.000+08:00

'hold me like you'll never let me go'.

my promise, i'll keep.

you, however, are a different story, in whole. you scare me, and i'd readily admit to that. because you have broke through all my walls, and broken all former records, and swept me off my feet with words alone.

of course, though, i'll always remember what Michelle once told me. words, they're just a few alphabets put together. always remember that action is bigger than words.

indeed, indeed.

2007-11-18T19:31:00.000+08:00

'one more one more!'

i forgot one more favourite quote from The Holiday:

Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you.

2007-11-18T13:25:00.000+08:00

'captured'.

i woke up late once again. dangit.

i want my photo. i was in it, and you never let me have a look at it or sent it to me, hard copy or soft. i don't believe one just loses photos like that. it was the o ne and only, please tell me you have it really. i want it, just for keep-sake.

2007-11-18T02:22:00.000+08:00

'i'll find a way'.

let's see, i have to get to holland v tomorrow with a wet painting in hand. however, i will not be taking a taxi nor will i be driven there by anyone. so, i will have to subject myself to a ride on the bus. which will further lead to the various stares.

i hate those stares they give me. they come in many forms. first, we have those who critic your painting. they stare at the painting as if they're artists themselves, and as if i had made a major error somewhere on the canvas. they'll squint and stare at your painting, frowning at times, as if it's the most disastrous thing they've laid their eyes on.it makes me feel really uncomfortable.

the curious stares are more common. they look at you with an eyebrow raised and then at your painting and back at you. the look in their eyes are, most of the time, still rather passive though. as if questioning if the painting was done by you. well, it hasn't anything to do with them, so i mostly try to ignore them.

then we have the stares that really irritate me. they'll stare at your painting and back at you. and when they turn back to look at you once more, they'll give you a once-over, surveying if you have enough capability to have done it yourself. and when they have deemed you incapable they'll show this by forcing a smile, their eyes still squinted, their eyebrows slightly raised.

it's only then when i really do appreciate the people who sit around, not really bothering about your presence on the bus or anyone around them, in fact. the ones that sit and stare out of the window, the ones that make up little dreams in their heads as they sit around. the same one, however, that constantly fail to offer their seats to those who really need them.

art class, art class, here i come [if i wake up on time].

2007-11-17T17:57:00.000+08:00

'it's my only salvation'.

i found more quotes from The Holiday. wonderful ones. and horribly witty and amusing.

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.

and then, there's another quote. the one which we normally hear and turn fuzzy on the inside. here.

I have another scenario for you - I'm in love with you. I apologize for the blunt delivery, but as problematic as this fact may be, I'm in love... with you. I'm not feeling this because you're leaving, and not because it feels good to feel this way... which, by the way, it does, or did before you went off like that. I can't figure out the mathematics of this, I just know I love you. I can't believe how many times I'm saying it! And I never thought I'd feel this way again, so that's pretty phenomenal. And I realize that I come as a package deal: three for the price of one. I know my package, perhaps in the light of day, isn't all that wonderful, but I finally know what I want and that, in itself, is a miracle. And what I want is you.

2007-11-17T17:28:00.000+08:00

'why november 5th?'

i just wish i wasn't scorpio. you have no idea about the amount of jealousy we have to go through each day. no, not jealousy that is directed at ourselves but jealousy that we feel on the inside, that burning emotion? yeah, that. the type of jealousy that could make you kill.

i hate being a scorpio.

2007-11-17T00:02:00.000+08:00

'The Holiday'.

caught a few paragraphs that i felt was nice, in its own strange way.

"Turned out he wasn't in love with me like I thought. What I'm trying to say is, I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, and how it can ache in place that you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get or gyms you join or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over ever detail, and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell, for that brief moment, you could think that you were that happy?

And after all that, however long that may be, you'll go somewhere new and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

"You broke my heart, and you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to be mad with you, so I just punished myself for years!"

oh, and turns out, people out there - The Holiday ain't that bad a film. in fact, it's actually quite good, and quite enjoyable. it just needs someone with enough emotional capacity to enjoy, and understand the film. it was rated 4 out of 5. not bad, i would think.

watched it and thought it was bad? well, your loss.

2007-11-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

'i've never felt something so strong'.

was watching a show on plastic surgery just now. it's really gross, the way they drill through cartiliage, and hammer a thin layers off the top layer of skull out to replace eye sockets. it's really gross. it makes me feel grateful though, for everything. for the fact that i wasn't born deformed or involved in any terrible accidents...

sissypoo got me a set of cool headphones. in-ear headphones actually. they're not an extremely good pair. okay, wait, she didn't get it for me. i mean, she didn't purchase it, she purchased another pair for herself and the shop owner was so pleased that she was the first person who bought it that he offered her a free pair. and she chose a blue-turquoise-like color and gave it to me.

i'm pleased with the quality anyhow. the in-ear technology actually blocks out all other sound so that you only hear your music and therefore allowing you to listen to it at a lower volume which decreases risks of hearing problems. oh, it decreased the volume of my music by 10 notches. not bad huh.

Nothing I've Ever Known by Bryan Adams, OST of Spirit: Stallion Of The Cimarron:

Right now I feel
Just like a leaf on a breeze
Who knows where it's blowin'?
Who knows where it's goin'?
I find myself somewhere
I never thought I'd be.
I'm going round in circles, yeah
Thinkin' bout you and me....

And how do I explain it when
I don't know what to say?
What do I do now?
So much has changed.

Nothing I have ever known
Has made me feel this way.
Nothing I have ever seen,
Has made me want to stay.
Here I am, ready for you.
I'm torn and,
I'm fallin',
I hear my home callin', hey!
I've never felt something so strong.
Oh no.
It's like nothing I've ever known...

You're the one I'm lookin' for,
You're the one I need.
You're the one that gives me
A reason to believe.
Followin' our star,
Has lead to where you are.
I feel so strong now,
This can't be wrong now...
Nothing I have ever known
Has made me feel this way.

Nothing I have ever seen,
Has made me want to stay.
Here I am, ready for you.
I'm torn and,
I'm fallin',
I hear my home callin', hey!
I've never felt something so strong.
Oh no.
It's like nothing I've ever known,
Nothing I've ever known...

Right now I feel,
Just like a leaf on a breeze.
Who knows where it's blowin'?
And who knows
Where I'm goin'....

ha, mister, could i make the same bet with you, again? just like last year. this time, i'll really pray that you win the bet. it'll be nice...

2007-11-15T19:36:00.000+08:00

'i wish i wasn't related to you'.

needy? you depend on everyone around you, you practically live off your boyfriend's affection, don't see how you can possibly live without it. you eat on her money, you suck the energy out of everyone around you to listen to you scream and whine everyday, and to you, i'm needy.

screw yourself, and look into the mirror. go look at yourself, good and hard. you'll need that.

hey darling, back to your other world of wonderful friends? where you're centre of attention, and everyone participates in the exact same things that you enjoy, just that they're better? oh cool, good for you. well, guess what, when your crowd of people decide that you're not worth their time again, don't come running to me, because i've got enough of waiting around.

you can't keep coming around only when they're gone. i'm not your spare tire that you only use when your car breaks down, i'm not the spare anything that you keep aside unless to replace something else that is gone! i've got tired of that. so the next time you break down, or the next time everything goes wrong, don't come running to me. ain't gonna be waiting around no more.

when everything's all wrong, you come running over being all nice and shit. got all the acting going on. well, now that everything's all perfect and fixed, i expect you're over there enjoying everything huh? with everyone licking your shoes? well, lucky you, because i didn't realise that i might have trusted you too much with a lil' of everything. so now, with you leaving, everything's all screwed up. and i suppose i'll be fixing it up myself.

oh, but don't worry, darling, it's gonna be all just done and fixed up, just like new, when you come running back. but, of course, i won't care to entertain your shit no more.

2007-11-15T00:12:00.000+08:00

'but that was mine'.

that was my table, my chair, my reservation! and i'm not even late! this service is just absurd... no, no i will not be happy given a table at the smoking zone. because it simply is not right. i made a reservation and you gave my table away. i don't see why...

no, no. i insist on talking to your manager. where's you manager?

2007-11-14T17:00:00.000+08:00

'when will you be back, darling?'

i do miss Spirit: Stallion Of The Cimarron so much. i used to have the whole album, which i only recently realised that i lost. i was broken, i was crushed, and awfully guilty, bleeding. my mummy had bought me the album as a gift, she spent quite a bit of money on it.

i'm determined to find it though, i'm quite sure it isn't thrown away. i got it at the end of 2005, it can't be gone so soon. so, anyway, i got Siulun, my dear cousin to download the album, through a legal source, for me. here's one of my favourite tracks:

Sound The Bugle by Bryan Adams:

Sound the bugle now - Play it just for me.
As the seasons change - Remember how I used to be.
Now I can't go on - I can't even start.
I've got nothing left - just an empty heart.

I'm a soldier - wounded so I must give up the fight.
There's nothing more for me - lead me away...
Or leave me lying here.

Sound the bugle now - Tell them I don't care.
There's not a road I know - That leads to anywhere.
Without a light, I fear that I will - Stumble in the dark.
Lay right down - Decide not to go on.

Then from on high - Somewhere in the distance.
There's a voice that calls - Remember who you are.
If you lose yourself - your courage soon will follow.

So be strong tonight - Remember who you are.
You're a soldier now - fighting in a battle.
To be free once more - That's worth fighting for.

if i had a guy like Bryan Adams, i'd tie him to a chair, or a bedpost, or something. and i'd only feed him if he sings, like a toy! heavenly.

2007-11-14T00:17:00.000+08:00

'gone is my sunshine'.

since it's past 12... so i'll just blog about yesterday.

went out with Harris, Kenneth, Carmina, Steph, Pao and Erica. had quite some fun teasing Harris and everything... aha. and we watched Stardust! which was rather nice, it wasn't fantastic but worth the money.

did you have any clue that the lyrics to the class You Are My Sunshine was so long?

You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other nite, dear,
As I lay sleeping I dreamed
I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

I'll always love you
And make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me
To love another
You'll regret it all some day;

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

You told me once, dear
You really loved me
And no one else could come between
But now you've left me
And love another
You have shattered all my dreams;

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

Louisiana my Louisiana
the place where I was borne.
White fields of cotton
-- green fields clover,
the best fishing
and long tall corn;

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

Crawfish gumbo and jambalaya
the biggest shrimp and sugar cane,
the finest oysters
and sweet strawberries
from Toledo Bend to New Orleans;

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You made me happy
All day and night
You should have known, dear,
How much i loved you.
Why'd you take my sunshine away?

2007-11-13T10:39:00.000+08:00

'burning'.

no, it ain't the title of my painting. i'm not even sure what it is... it's abstract, that's all i'm sure of.

2007-11-13T03:44:00.000+08:00

'picture to die for'.

Josh Duhamel, Topher Grace. two in one...

i'm going to sleep now. sweet dreams, indeed.

2007-11-13T03:16:00.000+08:00

'spiderman, spiderman. our friendly neighbourhood spiderman'.

just done watching the show. yeah, Spider-man 3. i thought it was rather nice, a little too nice an ending for my taste but it wasn't too bad. although the actresses and actors were a little too fat too. like Tobey, what's with the weight dude? and Bryce, too much time being the lady in the water, water retention or something? don't worry Topher, looking good as ever, except for the ugly yellow teeth, that's just gross.

oh, the guys have something with their eyes too. watch closely and you'll see that James' left eye gets droopy during the scene where he talks to Peter about him being 'the other guy'. it gets better seconds later when he winks though, i reckon then had to shoot it a few days later. and then Tobey has all the eyebags. gosh, kids are such trouble, aren't they?

won't you come save me too, in the nick of time? i'm falling fast, so fast. maybe if i scream, hm?

i'm tired. i'll just dream of Topher tonight... yummy.

2007-11-12T14:29:00.000+08:00

'when inspiration struck'.

it was 01:03 am when i was hopping crazily in my seat, quite literally. no, not because of any physical reasons but mostly because inspiration to paint struck me at such a godly hour, when everyone in my family was turning in. and me, being afraid of the dark, wouldn't dare to stay up alone. so, you say that i could have turned on all the lights, but it was late and i couldn't tell how long i would take with my painting. i still needed sleep.

so, being a scaredy-cat, i jumped in my seat for about one minute and then went to bed.

now, i don't have much inspiration to paint anymore... this sucks.

2007-11-11T19:12:00.000+08:00

'i will remember you'.

West Winds concert was totally spectacular! despite the fact that i had horrible seats, because Alvin refused to move and we were both late, so the doors to the stall seats had closed and we couldn't enter. anyway, it was still good. and, well, mr leow was good too.

after everything, went out with Sikai, Benjamin, Sarah, Izyan, Gabriel and Alvin. had quite some fun. the guys who will always remain... guys. and their lack of table manners, so on and so forth.

i'm quite tired. and my headache's killing me.

i can't believe... everything.

2007-11-10T23:40:00.000+08:00

'what the hell is happening?'.

i don't know what has happened, and i can barely believe it has.

i want to blog about what has happened, but i haven't even drank it down yet.

i want to blog but i don't know what to say.

i want to die, but i just don't know how.

2007-11-10T23:21:00.000+08:00

'i'm scorpio'.

abstract from the 8days, november 8th issue:

'Scorpio is the deepest of all the signs. Scorpio types develop passionate interests and devotion to causes, which they persue with death-defying dedication. They fall deeply in love, but if hurt or rejected can spend hours plotting bitter revenge. They are usually interested in things deep, dark or hidden and the Scorpio solution to a problem is complete and total change.'

i'd admit to plotting revenge, but i have yet to acheive the sweetness of its final results. till then.

2007-11-10T18:17:00.000+08:00

'eternal sunshine of a spotless mind'.

the show is inspiring and quite beautiful. however, it is quite difficult to comprehend due to it's rather warped potrayal of events and emotions. i am still moved by it though, it is quite heart-warming.

When You Told Me You Loved Me by Jessica Simpson:

Once, doesn't mean anything to me
Come show me the meaning of complete
Where did our love go wrong
Once we were so strong, how can I go on?

When you told you loved me
Did you know it would take me the rest of my life
To get the feeling of knowing a dream didn't turn out right
When you let me believe that you weren't complete without me by your side
How could I know that you would go that you would run
Baby, I thought you were the one

Why can't I just leave it all behind
I felt passion so bright that I was blind
Then something made me weak talking in my sleep
Baby, I'm in so deep and you know I believed

When you told you loved me
Did you know it would take me the rest of my life
To get the feeling of knowing a dream didn't turn out right
When you let me believe that you weren't complete without me by your side
How could I know that you would go that you would run
Baby, I thought you were the one

Your lips, your face something that time just can't erase
Find my heart it could break all over again

When you told you loved me
Did you know it would take me the rest of my life
To get the feeling of knowing a dream didn't turn out right
When you let me believe that you weren't complete without me by your side
How could I know that you would go that you would run
Baby, I thought you were the one

2007-11-08T22:56:00.000+08:00

'white bits'.

check it out. it's a really great short film. hopelessly funny. enjoy.

2007-11-08T22:30:00.000+08:00

'i'm falling more in love with the memories of you'.

ha. my parents have gone off to italy already. just like the did last year, to turkey, from the 13th to the 23rd of december. but now they'll be gone all the way to the 25th of november. oh well.

i enjoyed it more when they were off last year, because i had a lot more things to do and to take opportunity of their time of. i enjoyed my holidays more, last year. now, it's like just a bunch of thursdays strung together. in fact, thinking of it, i miss my december holidays from last year so so much. it was so fun, and i felt so free...

oh well, things like these don't happen everyday, or year. i wish i appreciated it more back then...

2007-11-08T16:37:00.000+08:00

'wishing you were somehow here again'.

january 12th, 2007. she couldn't forget the date or the way he looked at her the whole night through. on that night, he seemed so real, for once in her life. he seemed to have loved her so. he held on to her every word, her every action, he seemed to notice.

for once, she thought he would never leave her side, she though it would last, just the way she always did, and still does, wish it had. and when he spoke to her, the look in his eyes showed so much affection that she was almost surprised. it had never been that way before, but she thought it wouldn't kill to get use to. it was heaven, it was a dream come true.

he loved her now, so what more could she ask for anymore? she had him by her side. there was nothing more in the world she wanted at that very moment. everything seemed right, it seemed in place. and she was more than happy, she felt so... alive. she felt loved, by him. and it was something she would die for.

the night was over and as she sat with him at the bus stop, and looked into his eyes, she wished time would just pause. the way she wished time paused on the evening of december 4th, 2006. those moments of perfection don't come along everyday, and she knew, very well, they were worth remembering. she remembers telling him that she would never let anyone speak bad of him in such a matter, even though she loved them so, it didn't matter. she remembers looking into his eyes and telling herself that he was all she needed.

and as his bus neared them, she felt like screaming. she didn't want it to be over so soon but it was, and she guessed, there wasn't much she could do.

they got up and stood by the road. and he held her hands, to his chest. she could feel the warmth, his warmth, his heartbeat. she looked into his eyes, his face, the one of the boy she fell for, the boy she wished she could be with, every waking moment, as he leaned into her and pressed his lips against her's.

that kiss was different, and she felt it. she wanted to open her eyes to look into his, but she was so afraid of what she might see. she was scared of knowing it would be their last, it would be his final goodbye. so instead, she put her arms around his neck, she wanted more. she pressed into him, but he pulled back as the bus eased beside them. she wanted to think that that kiss was just a goodnight kiss, a temporary goodbye. but she knew more, and she must have been kidding herself to have even hoped so.

it was their last, it was his goodbye. it felt like he was apologizing, it felt like the last bit of love he had, in him, for her left him when he kissed her for the last time. and when she walked off, unsure of what to feel, unsure everything, she wished so hard that the night repeat itself once more. she wished so hard that she had turned away, not allowing to happen, then perhaps, he'd never have said goodbye. he would always stay by her side, by her.

Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again O.S.T. of The Phantom Of The Opera:

You were once my one companion. You were all that mattered
You were once a friend and father then my world was shattered

Wishing you were somehow here again, wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed, if I just dreamed, somehow you would be here

Wishing I could hear your voice again, knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you won't help me to do all that you dreamed I could...

Passing bells and sculpted angels, cold and monumental
Seem, for you, the wrong companions, you were warm and gentle...
Too many years fighting back tears...
Why can't the past just die?

Wishing you were somehow here again, knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive, teach me to live, give me the strength to try!
No more memories, no more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
Help me say goodbye. Help me say goodbye!

2007-11-07T20:30:00.000+08:00

'i am sorry'.

band prac was tiring. and i miss my eupho so much. i feel like i'm being unfaithful and betraying. oh well, i haven't much of a choice. i apologise, my love.

i am sorry if i hurt you. i am sorry if the words were too hurting and if it cut through you. i am, awfully sorry, and would pretend nothing happened if i could. if there was anything you sounded, it was angry. and nothing more... and i realised this only after reading it all over again. i don't know what it's about, but i'm hoping really bad that i didn't add to it. i think i'll be wasting my time if i went on hoping now.

once again, even though i was hurt and i was angry and furious and so so so pissed and disappointed, i still am sorry for all that i shouldn't have caused you in the first place. if there was something i could do, it would to be able to rewind time and make sure nothing of this happened.

i am sorry.

2007-11-07T01:05:00.000+08:00

'i wanna spend the night with you'.

cold baths are relaxing and i'm thankful they exist. i feel much better and definitely calmer now, after a nice cold shower. but i feel really sleepy though, but well, you see, i'm not too ready to sleep. not just yet.

is it too late to say so? i guess it must be, it's been almost 11 months.

2007-11-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

'today feels more like my birthday'.

had a wonderful day today. though it didn't start out fantastically, it ended really fine.

i was really upset in the morning, god know's why. i just didn't feel really good and i was late, really late, and the 167 bus was making me motion-sick. so, when i joined Blodwen, Yixuan, Yiting, Kiu Yan, Kenneth, Harris, Carmina and Pao, i wasn't in the best of moods. instead, i was kinda violently pissed. i took joy in watching my plastic fork violently pierce through my salad.

anyway, after Carmina and Pao cheered me up, we went to watch a movie. The Game Plan. typical of a family show, i would say. heart-warming, as usual but not incredible or not too bad either. it was average. perhaps a three out of five. okay, moving on. so i was in a good mood and after that, Carmina, Pao, Kenneth, Harris and I went to the basement of Plaza Sing to get fried mars bars for myself and pao. yummy.

i went hyper with all the sugar. sugar overload actually. i felt really dizzy, everything looked bright and blur. oh yes, i got hoop earrings too. Pao got them for my birthday, i chose them. anyway, we walked to Funan and all. played a little Xbox and went home. and on the way to cityhall, we met Erica.

it wasn't much really, but it was happier than yesterday. and i love the company of my dearest friends, and well, i couldn't be more thankful that i've met them.

you could have just told me what you meant to say, which i presume went something like - you see, i'm really busy. too busy, in fact. and although i know that i'm expected to make time for these events, which i do think is really insignificant, i can't. and simply don't want to. you see, i'm a busy person, and the whole world needs me. or so i want to think. so i cannot spare anytime for you group of little people anymore. maybe, perhaps, another day... of course people need me, the whole world will weep when i die. because everything revolves around me, and always will. i can't believe you could say that no one cared. i don't see why no one should care for someone as great, as charming, as talented and as intelligent as me.

2007-11-06T10:27:00.000+08:00

'what an enlightening holiday'.

it's been strange, the last few days. my impressions of different people have been changing constantly. and it's taking me some time to look at everyone in a different light. to really realise who they really are.

someone i used to love so much and treasure, for one, has seemed to evolved into an arrogant, snobish, sickening bastard. already, he was never close to mr perfect. now, he's just a ton worse. and it's a terrible disappointment because i thought he could have grown to be a really nice gentlemen if he had tried enough.

the stories i've heard about him have been so disappointing that i'm am actually extremely disgusted by who is really is. and, even though i don't have much of a choice still, i just wish that i could cut off all association with him. i wish i had not know him from the start and wouldn't have to, in the future. i'm awfully let down, and horrendously disgusted.

and, now, i'm starting to wonder, why didn't my friends stop me from even getting to know him? why couldn't they have violently objected? or more violently objected? i feel so disgusted at the fact that i even know him. may i forget this unfortunate incident, and may the heavens forgive my sin.

also, i've seen another side to someone else. i've to admit that i am not utterly disgusted, but still, a little disappointed. but this, i will find more easy to accept, for he still have time to mature into a great person. till then.

oh well, to you - like i've said, we'll always be here, hopefully. i have no idea if we'll still keep in contact in the near future but, well, you're a fun person and all and hopelessly nice. you'll find great friends, and i wish you all the best. and, all that i've promised, i keep. i will be here when you need. you have my word.

oh, i've been longing to post on my absolutely wonderful saturday. so here goes.

it was a wonderful bring and bloody sunny day. i woke up rather early and showered and got ready to leave the house. but just before i did, i turned on the computer and went onto anderson portal to check out our sec3 combinations, only to realise that i had been given drama as a humanities subject. of course, it was an error. so, i calmed myself down and allowed my mum to generously give me a lift to schoool. it was a cca day, for me.

so, when i got to school, my section had heart-warmingly prepared presents and a cupcake to celebrate my birthday. for this, i was genuinely touched and still am thankful and grateful for. however, not long after i marvelled at the beauty of my bitrhday gift, i left it behind at the coffee shop and walked off. me being me, i didn't realise it until 5 hours later, when seow hui kindly proceeded opposite to ask the owner's of the shop if they found it, for me, to no avail.

already in a horrid mood, after cca, like every other day, i proceeded to the tap area to wash my mouthpiece clean. however, as you can tell, luck was totally on my side on that very fortunate day. this resulted in me dropping my mouthpiece which is rather slippery when wet, onto the sink area. no, it was still in perfect condition when it touched the concrete grounds, as i watched it roll onto the closed drain. nothing broke. so, just as i sighed in relief, the cover of the drain flipped open and my mouthpiece fell into the bottomless hole in the ground.

and when i ran out off the bandroom to inform alvin of this wonderful incident, he smiled at me, telling me that the day was a 'particularly fine day' for me as he was implementing the fine system. i would have to pay for whatever i lost, however, alvin is still coming up with a price.

feeling really down, i went to the basketball court with seow hui, benjamin, alvin and sikai to play basketball. obviously, i was already not quite in the mood to, but i just tagged along, anyhow. so as i stood around the court, watching the guys' egos deflate gradually, everytime the ball missed, little primary school kids were playing football in the same court we were in. of course, they didn't yet realise that it was a basketball court and that them kicking the bloody soccer ball around, recklessly, was endangering us, until the bloody ball came flying at my head at an extremely high speed.

the force of the ball caused my left ear to go numb and my head to throb horribly. but, of course, they were only kids, i had to spare them, didn't i?

2007-11-06T00:32:00.000+08:00

'you're different now'.

now, i am truly disappointed. disappointment to the point of near disgust. perhaps, it wasn't all i thought it was. but well, anyhow, i'd have expected so much more from you. and i suppose that i shall have to lower my every expectation of you, now that you have helped me realise that you are what you are.

i'd like to pity you and assure you that it'll all be fine, but i'll fail to. so, i guess i shouldn't even start to try.

i trusted you, actually. a lot. i guess, this only teaches me to pick my friend more carefully and to get to know them for who they really are before letting myself trust them any further.

what a horrid disappointment you are. you haven't the faintest idea how much of a let down you are, to me.

2007-11-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

'sorry, darling. i still love you'.

sorry geraldine! i hope your dinner was nice enough for you. i'm so sorry that i didn't stay with you the whole day. though i am genuinely touched by your coming down to buy me a birthday lunch. i couldn't remember the deal myself. (:

thanks girl. you made my day and once again, i'm sorry. i owe you one. next time, i'll come running down whenever you need me. i'll be your personal superhero, alright?

alright. i sound a little strange beause i'm tired. but well, you get me - i'm really sorry and i love you. thanks again, darling!

2007-11-05T19:18:00.000+08:00

'wonderful day'.

i haven't much to say. it seems like i've lost the ability to express myself...

oh well, happy birthday, me.

Black Roses Red by Alana Grace:

Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems,
I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let the morning light come in and let the darkness fade away

Chorus:
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my loneliness
How long must I hold my breath
So much emptiness inside
I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
One last year has come and gone
It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love (x6)

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love
I'm feeling like I'll blame it on love

will you change my mind? because i'm hoping you do.

i hope i didn't mislead you in anyway that i didn't mean to. i need a stable shoulder to lean on and right now, i'm too scared to attempt to lean on anyone but myself.

2007-11-04T22:20:00.001+08:00

'i'm disappointed in you'.

my expectations were a little high, apparently, too high.

i wish to blog about how you have let me down. but i can't because, right now, i don't wish to say anything about you.

other than the fact that - you let me down, greatly.

2007-11-04T18:20:00.000+08:00

'i do not look like a butch'.

i got a hair cut which is really short, i would have to admit. but i kept my fringe. comments that have been streaming in from my family is around the lines of 'minjun, you look like a bloody butch. gosh, could you be anymore tomboy than you already are. and for once, we thought you were getting to be more feminine. minjun, you have let us down in every way'.

oh, whatever. i like my haircut. live with it.

links have been changed to suit Soma's particularly touchy mood.

2007-11-03T23:55:00.000+08:00

'let's pretend you're mine. we could just pretend'.

No Sleep 2nite by The Faders:

I got you, I got you on my mind
And it's time to make you see (what I want)
So i'll just make this a little more obvious
Cuz I get what I want, and I want you to get with me

Don't think you know,
How far I'm gonna go

You can't stop this, feeling
You can't run away,
Baby I'm what's on your mind
You can't stop this, feeling
There's no escape,
No sleep tonight,
You won't get, no sleep tonight

You want me, you want me all the time
And you don't need nothing else
But you seem to be a little oblivious
So i'll show you the way if you think that you need some help

Tell me baby
Are you coming, with me

You can't stop this, feeling
You can't run away
Baby I'm what's on your mind
You can't stop this, feeling
Theres no escape,
No sleep tonight,
You wont get no sleep tonight

No sleep tonight,
No sleep tonight,

Boy you won't be sleeping
No sleep tonight
Do I have to spell it out in black and white

Boy you won't be sleeping
No sleep tonight
Do I have to spell it out in black and white

Oh oh oh oh oh
No sleep tonight
Oh oh oh oh oh!
No sleep tonight
Oh oh oh oh oh!
No sleep tonight
Oh oh oh oh oh!

You can't stop this, feeling
You can't run away
Baby I'm what's on your mind
You can't stop this, feeling
Theres no escape,
No sleep tonight,
You wont get no sleep tonight

Oh oh oh oh oh!
No sleep tonight
Oh oh oh oh oh!
No sleep tonight
Oh oh oh oh oh!
No sleep tonight
Oh oh oh oh oh!
No sleep tonight
Oh oh oh oh oh!
No sleep tonight
Oh oh oh oh oh!
No sleep tonight
Oh oh oh oh oh!
No sleep tonight
Oh oh oh oh oh!
No sleep tonight

4ever by The Veronicas:

Here we are so what you gonna do
Do I gotta spell it out for you
I can see that you got other plans for tonight
But I don't really care

Size me up you know I beat the best
Tick tock no time to rest
Let 'em say what they're gonna say but tonight,
I just don't really care

Come on baby we ain't gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know you wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you (Yeah, yeah)
With you (Yeah yeah)

Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever
Uh-oh

I've seen it all I've got nothing to prove
Come on baby just make your move
Follow me let's leave it all behind tonight (Follow me)
Like we just don't care

Let me take you on the ride of your life
That's what I said alright
They can say what they wanna say 'cause tonight,
I just don't even care

Come on baby we ain't gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know you wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you (Yeah, yeah)
With you (Yeah yeah)

Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever
Uh-oh

Let's pretend you're mine
(We could just pretend, we could just pretend yeah, yeah)
You got what I like
You got what I like, I got what you like
Oh come on
Just one taste and you'll want more
So tell me what you're waiting for

Come on baby we ain't gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know you wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you (Yeah, yeah)
With you (Yeah yeah)

So come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever
Yeah... forever...

Come on baby we ain't gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know you wanna be together - together
And I wanna spend the night with you
(Yeah yeah) - with you, yeah
With you (yeah yeah)

So come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever
(uh-oh)

yes, it's all to you. every line, every word, every 'i want you'.

2007-11-01T20:24:00.000+08:00

'will post on the class chalet when i receive all photos. for now...'

got this of a friend's blog. some questions are hopelessly amusing:

1. what song are you listening to now ?
none at the moment.

2. Any opinions on kisses ?
it can be a sweet display of affection through caressment of the lips.

3. what colour's your keyboard ?
well, it was white. i'd say it's yellow now.

4. what's the nearest yellow item ?
my school pe shirt which i am currently wearing.

5. went out today ?
not at all.

6. where's your family ?
all at home, except for my mum.

7. how're you feeling now ?
quite obviously, rather bored.

8. have a crush on anybody ?
not exactly.

9. do you blog ?
no, no. not at all, i don't.

10. what's your favourite colour ?
black.

11. play any musical instruments ?
my eupho! my love. my 98.

12. what are you wearing now ?
shirt, shorts, undergarments, thank you.

13. favourite ice cream flavour ?
anything from Ben and Jerry's.

14. has your birthday passed ?
nope. but it's around the corner!

15. what colours are your slippers ?
black.

16. when did you last eat potato chips ?
two days ago, i would guess.

17 . Miss anybody ?
41 people! - 2/3

18. are you watching tv now ?
i'm doing this quiz. i would think that it's quite normal for me to be facing the monitor while i do so.

19. eaten dinner yet ?
nope.

20. how old are you ?
13, turning onto 14 in less than a week's time.

and another:

1. How late did you stay up last night?
i didn't manage till night. i slept at 3:30 pm.

2. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
'i'm awake, great.'

3. How's your heart lately?
the last i checked, it's beating.

4. What were you doing this morning at 7am?
sleeping. dreaming.

5. What were you doing this afternoon at 12pm?
turning on the computer.

6. What was the reason you last cried?
i couldn't bare to leave 2/3. i dreaded leaving 2/3 and i was almost afraid of doing so.

7. What did you do this weekend?
last weekend? hm, i can't recall...

8. What are you looking forward to?
my birthday.

9.What do you want for your birthday?
to see all i love.

10. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
yeah.

11. How many red lights have you ran?
i don't drive or cycle on roads - it can be rather dangerous.

12. Have you ever cried while taking a shower?
not that i recall.

13. Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted?
definitely.

14. When was the last time you were given roses?
valentines day.

15. Is there anything that you are craving for right now?
not really.

16. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling?
yeah.

17. Have you ever started a sentence with "No offense, but..."?
there we go, stupid spelling errors.

18. Do you drink tea?
yeap.

19. When was the last time you saw a cop?
when the two indian boys drowned at pasir ris, i think.

20. Did you ride in someone else's car today?
nope, didn't leave the house.

21. What are you listening to right now?
Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic! At The Disco.

22. What are you doing tomorrow?
going for band!

23. How much money do you make?
none.

24. What is the closest green object toyou?
a thesaurus on the bookshelf, two metres away.

25. What was the last movie you saw?
Win A Date With Tad Hamilton!

26. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
it would depend. the last person i kissed was weishan when we were tired and hugged and turned the wrong ways, on definite accident. the last time i kissed a person intentionally was because i loved him.

i was looking through my Oxford Dictionary and found this. i think it's rather ironic and amusing. you see, i'm kinda bored...

'dictionary n. book that lists and explains the words of a language or the topics of a subject.'

2007-10-27T22:07:00.000+08:00

'why don't you tell me?'

something about the composition of my family is getting at me. i'm hoping it's only for tonight...

it was simply nothing, but i felt so rejected.

2007-10-27T18:20:00.000+08:00

'i could have exploded'.

band practices! aha. they was marvellously fun. i mean, i was tired but they were enjoyable. attended the alumni pracs too. ha, beautiful songs. and main band prac was equally fun.

weishan, darling, take care okay! (: love love love.

you can't do that to someone. you can't shove all these shocking news into my face and then pretend that i'm supposed to be fine! i could have died, and it would have been your... what? you're not to blame? you're saying that i am weak and that what you did was not at all wrong. is that right? well, i tell you you're speaking bullshit. don't you walk away!... the next time, please, at least hand this to me slowly. don't shove it all down my throat. i almost exploded from all the anxiety.

yeah yeah, i'll see you around then. please spare me the next time okay? yes, that will be fine. goodbye.

2007-10-26T19:40:00.000+08:00

'dang, i'm gonna miss everyone'.

went out with Soma, Jerald, Harris, Bryan, Abraham, Ryofred, Jefferson and Eugene today.

actually, i met Soma in school. then joined Harris, Abraham, Ryofred and Bryan at Braddell Hill. played a little tennis and all. then the rest joined us for lan games. battlefield2 actually. (: had loads of fun. but i'm in great debts. and the people who loaned me the money, just won't leave me alone...

oh. and yeah, Soma's leaving for NJC and i'm gonna miss him. all his crappy shit, and his 'minjun you're such an evil bitch' crap. aha. NJC, you guys are so bloody lucky. you'll realize in time. all the best in everything you do, soma!

oh. and i wanted to put this up. so, here goes:

i love love love love. loads.

2007-10-25T20:08:00.000+08:00

'goodbye 2/3'.

today's, officially, the last day of school. and, therefore, the last time we'll be together. i'm gonna miss everyone so bad. nothing's ever gonna be the same again. we're never gonna have so much fun together again. we're never gonna have the same fun (noisy) lessons in which the teachers may laugh along or cry over.

i don't know how to put what i feel into words but i'm genuinely thankful for everything we've gone through together. and to all those that have been there for me all this while, Naomie, Steph, Erica, Pao and Carmina, thank you so so so much. wouldn't know what to do with you guys. (:

and to all the teachers, even if you all will read this or not - thank you so much. for being able through each and every lessons with us. pushing us on when we need your support and all the times you all have patiently prep-talked us into 'changing for the better'. everything you all have done is greatly appreciated.

and to miss lee, thank you for being our form teacher for all these days. many of us are truly touched by your love and effort that you have dedicated to us. so, once again - thank you so much.

oh well, whatever it is, together or apart - the 2/3 spirit will always stay within us all.

This I Swear by Nick Lachey:

You're there by my side
In every way
I know that you will not forsake me
I give you my life
I would not think twice
Your love is all I need, believe me

I may not say it
Quite as much as I should
But when I say, I love you
Darling, that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in

And I will love you, until forever
Until death do us part
We'll be together
So, take my hand
And hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

I’m wondering how I ever get by
Without you in my life to guide me
Wherever I go, one thing that’s true
Is everything I do
I do it for you

I may not say it
Half as much as I should
But when I say, I love you
Darling, that means for good
So open up you heart and let me in

And I will love you, until forever
Until death do us part
We'll be together
So, take my hand
And hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

So whenever you get weary
Just reach out for me
I'll never let you down, my love

And I will love you, until forever
(Until death do us part)
Until death do us part
We'll be together
So take my hand
(So take my hand)
And hold on tight
And we'll get there
Oh, we'll get there
And this I swear

And I will love you, until forever
(Until death do us part)
Until death do us part
We'll be together
So take my hand
(So take my hand)
And hold on tight
And we'll get there
Oh, we'll get there
And this I swear

2007-10-23T01:00:00.000+08:00

'my hair is slightly wet'.

because i just showered and my hair is wet, therefore i can't sleep, i decided to look up poems. Elizabeth Bishop is still my favourite poet, up till date.

Insomnia

The moon in the bureau mirror
looks out a million miles
(and perhaps with pride, at herself,
but she never, never smiles)
far and away beyond sleep, or
perhaps she's a daytime sleeper.

By the Universe deserted,
she'd tell it to go to hell,
and she'd find a body of water,
or a mirror, on which to dwell.
So wrap up care in a cobweb
and drop it down the well

into that world inverted
where left is always right,
where the shadows are really the body,
where we stay awake all night,
where the heavens are shallow as the sea
is now deep, and you love me.

Elizabeth Bishop

beautiful? indeed.

2007-10-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

'no, no. i'm not late, really'.

no, mister, i can swear. i'm not late. i arrived here precisely on time, if not an hour before. what? you didn't see me? well, you never do actually... i feel this is rather unfair. i'm not late and i have never been late, not when it comes to this. i'm always punctual for events such as this. i'm always here, right on time.

no, no! you can't do this, you can't do this to me. it's not my fault you haven't seen me standing here for the past few hours. all you've been doing is attending to this other people, who had arrived far later than me... unreasonable. had you seen me, and bothered with my presence, you would have noticed i was here a long time ago. i've been here so long that i lost track of time. and yet you never seem to notice me.

won't happen. no, absolutely not. this is absurd. i am definitely not leaving, not moving an inch, thank you. i've been here for so long. no matter what you say, i'm staying. because i want to and because i've been here for so long, i see no difference in leaving. why am i being difficult? mister, i am not. if anyone to blame, it's you. you've failed to notice me despite me waving my hands in the air frantically, trying to catch your attention.

i'm staying put. it's not because i'm being difficult but i feel that this is my place, this is where i should be. i came here early, for one. and i'm not going till my job's done, or at least not till i feel that it's done. no, don't mind me at all. i'll be sitting right here, under this tree. tell me when you finally have the time.

goodbye then. oh, yes, mister. don't worry, i like staying here. it's been a long time since i've been sat down here, watching you carry out all your business. i dare say that you're good at your job. and i do enjoy admiring you do it so well. oh, do get on with your job then. i'll just wait here. of course, also because i want to.

2007-10-22T19:13:00.000+08:00

'this can't be right... it simply isn't'.

we all got back our papers today, and i'll say that i didn't do too well. and well, a little disappointed, but i can't do anything anymore. so i'll just concentrate on choosing the right stream for next year.

yesterday when i went jogging, i brought my mp3 along. after jogging through shunfu estate and making around through sin ming terraces, i turned back, terribly exhausted. so after a while, i begin to slow down into a brisk walk... only then did i hear a song play on my mp3. something about it sparked something off in me.

i begin to sprint. i must have been running really fast, because, well, people were giving me weird stares. either that or it might have been because of the smile on my face. well, the song was beautiful. and it made me feel happy. really happy.

it made me feel so light, again. like i could almost fly, the way i had felt before. the happiness one only enjoys for only this few times in their entire life. that bit of freedom and pure joy that not many might understand. that feeling that sends a wonderful sensation throughout your body, your soul. as if, your every nerve is dancing in joy.

when the song reminded me of all that, a part of me just wanted to run, so fast, hoping that if i did run fast enough, perhaps it'll all come back to me for good. perhaps, i'll get to be granted a chance to live those feelings of pure bliss over, again.

of course, i stopped, after a while... but still, something about the song made me thankful. for everything i've been given. and though it's not still with me, i guess the memories would do enough.

here's it for you. wonderful song. enjoy.

Just For You by William Tell:

I can't seem to catch my breath
It's in front of me, behind your lips

Here I go, letting go
Just to never let you go
I never thought I could be like this

I wanna spend every moment here with you
You showed me a place I've seen but never knew
So here I am, here I am, here I am, here I am
Just for you

Just for you

In dark moving hands to find my way (way, way, way)
Reaching for a chance
And the words to say

And here I go, letting go
Just to never let you go
I'm so scared to feel so safe

I wanna spend every moment here with you
You showed me a place I've seen but never knew
So here I am, here I am, here I am, here I am
Just for you

I've been so quiet for so long
Waiting for the chance to find me
And now I'm finding out
And things have never been so real
And never felt the way they should be
And now they found me

I wanna spend every moment here with you
You've showed me a place I've seen but never knew

I wanna spend every moment here with you
You've showed me a place I've seen but never knew
So here I am, here I am, here I am, here I am
Just for you

Just for you

2007-10-21T22:02:00.000+08:00

'am i guessing right? because, for the first time, i wanna be wrong'.

i did my running today. couldn't feel any better. the adrenaline rush was just crazy... i love running in the evenings. i really do.

watched Zodiac. i honestly enjoyed it.

dang, this is killing me. please, take care.

2007-10-18T13:03:00.000+08:00

'that explains everything now'.

i feel so sick. woke up with a heavy head, could barely get up so i fell back right into deep sleep. when i woke up, my head stil hurt but i got up to have breakfast anyway. and now, i feel awfully nauseous and wanting to puke. i think i caught a flu.

right. so that's why? because you've been too busy. right right, i see that now. and i guess that would also explain all the weird disgusting things i've been witnessing. and the nicknames and the sick sick describtions. i don't see what you see in her. and i doubt i ever will.

2007-10-17T20:18:00.000+08:00

'if you could choose, perhaps...'

would you really prefer living in a world of your own, all your life? a world where everything came true and everything you wished for would turn real in an instant, and everything around you was made up just to your preferences. and yet, also knowing that everything around you wasn't exactly real and never getting a taste of the real world, or reality. never getting to know what living really is like.

or would you rather prefer living in a life where everything around you was so real, too real? where you'd have to face failure or disappointments everyday. a life like we're all living in now. where you just wish that you could just, for once, have your wishes come true. in a world where things you wish only come true when you lay your head down on a pillow a fall into a deep soundless sleep. but would have to face the reality of losing sooner or later.

which would you prefer? living in paradise, a lie or living in hell, having to face shit everyday, reality?

i've been thinking about it and i couldn't come up with an answer for myself. they both sound beautiful and yet so threatening. the idea of the first situation's so unreal, but yet so tempting, so attractive. something so wonderful and amazing, something that we can't help but wish for at times, but yet so threatening and scary at the same time.

the other is something we face everyday. day in, day out. something we whine over, something we dread. something we so often wish to be different. but yet, if it were different, would it really be all that great?

2007-10-17T19:36:00.000+08:00

'where i you now? mind if i join?'

just ended chinese tuition. whcih started once i came back from Erica's house.

quotes, quotes!

"We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." -Amy Marie Walz

"I loved my friend
He went away from me
There's nothing more to say
The poem ends soft as it began -
I loved my friend."
-Langston Hughes

2007-10-16T23:56:00.001+08:00

'quotes, quotes, quotes'.

"Jealousy is all the fun you think they had." -Erica Jong

"A relationship is like a rose, How long it lasts, no one knows; Love can erase an awful past, Love can be yours, you'll see at last; To feel that love, it makes you sigh, To have it leave, you'd rather die; You hope you've found that special rose, 'Cause you love and care for the one you chose." -Rob Cella

i need to sleep soon. i'm tired. but i don't wanna dream...

2007-10-16T21:13:00.000+08:00

'i was hoping...'

i woke up feeling horrid. if sleeping could remain dreamless, i would enjoy that... but mine don't, really. i just hate dreaming, therefore dislike sleeping. it kills me everytime i wake, it kills me to realize i'm only but dreaming. and that all i can do is to pray and hope it, my dreams, would one day come through...

so, i went out with Naomi, Steph and Carmina. walked from bugis to aliwal street. ate wonderful nasi padang, then went over to the costume shop to purchase Carmina's elves' ears. Carmina left after that. and we went to watch Nanny's Diaries.

sweet show, not bad... isn't fantastic, but good, anyhow.

who are you, stranger? what's your name, now? i don't know you.